This is another post from my old blog, written over 2 years ago, but I thought I’d repost as a reminder to myself.
Why is it only now after 20 years of my life that I’m realising you only get what you put in?
I’ve always felt that good things will just automatically come to me & I wouldn’t have to work hard for anything. Why? I have no idea but now I know that was silly & I’ve wasted the last 6 years of my life just thinking good things will magically happen to me without putting in any work for it. I’ve wasted so many years and I know that no matter how many times I pray or cry for those years I can never re-live them and put things right. They will never return to me and that thought alone hurts. Maybe it’s just something I’m going to have to live with. So many foundations could’ve been laid in those lost years of my life. I know it’s no good dwelling on the past but sometimes I just can’t help but wonder about what could’ve been.
Recently it's all really started to take its toll on me. Memories of what would have been and the people who could have been in my life today but aren’t. Yesterday on my way back from bible studies I just cried. I couldn’t help it the tears were just flowing on the outside and on the inside. My heart was crying along with me and in those moments I felt so vulnerable.
Recently it's all really started to take its toll on me. Memories of what would have been and the people who could have been in my life today but aren’t. Yesterday on my way back from bible studies I just cried. I couldn’t help it the tears were just flowing on the outside and on the inside. My heart was crying along with me and in those moments I felt so vulnerable.
I’m not beating myself up but I am very aware of all that I’ve lost. Recently God has been telling me to pull myself together and get up. I’ve been wounded on the battlefield for too long and it’s now time for restoration. I see his hand reaching out to help me up and I’m looking forward to being on my feet again. Because although I’m born again and I have been for almost 2 years it feels like my life is only just beginning. A strange prospect but true at the same time. The reality is Christ began his great work in me the moment I made that outward declaration that I would follow him for the rest of my life. It was just the process of me renewing my mind to understand this very truth took me a while. But I now know that renewing my mind is a daily process not just something that happens over night. (Romans 12:2)
I’ve spent the past couple of weeks trying to fix the mistakes of my past years. It’s been a very painful yet sobering experience so far but I really believe that with God all things are possible!
Joel 2:25 has been ringing in my spirit.
“And I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, and the consuming locust, and the cutting locust…” I believe the Holy Spirit reminded me of this verse for a reason. And I really do believe God. I really do believe he will restore all those lost years back to me. I know it wont always be easy but it will definitely be worth it.
Hope this encourages someone.
“And I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, and the consuming locust, and the cutting locust…” I believe the Holy Spirit reminded me of this verse for a reason. And I really do believe God. I really do believe he will restore all those lost years back to me. I know it wont always be easy but it will definitely be worth it.
Hope this encourages someone.
I’ll keep you all updated on the process.
Jennifer :)
Jennifer :)
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