So a lot has happened since the first episode of my moving forward series. In part 1 I had just turned 20 was still in college not knowing what to do with my life, feeling as though I had lost so much, yet believing God to do the impossible by restoring all those lost years back to me. Now two years on I'm in my second year of university working part time & learning how to drive. I'm finally moving forward. At times I still feel the pain of all that was lost but my main aim and goal has always been to move forward.
Being kicked out of school at the age of 14 never having a proper secondary education really did take it's toll on me in my later years. At first staying at home all day long and not going to school seemed like the bomb. For more than a year I stayed at home whilst every one else I knew got a proper education. I stayed at home watching daytime tv, sitting on the same spot on the living room sofa for hours collecting dust. I was wasting my life and I didn't even know it at the time. I thought by being kicked out of school I had dodged a bullet.
A deep feeling of shame followed me wherever I went. I remember one day one of my uncles came to the house I think it was around mid day, As soon as I heard his voice I became James Bond and 007'd out of my bedroom window then ran away because I didn't want to have to explain to him the reason why I was not at school.
Every other day I was sent to Brixton market to buy food stuff for the house because of course since I wasn't going to school I had been employed as a full time house girl. A few years on whilst my mates were getting ready to finish university I was still in college jumping from one course to another. Friends and certain family members use to mock me and I had soon come to the conclusion that I was cursed because nothing I ever did was fruitful. People even thought I'd get pregnant and start claiming benefits, I found this quite odd because I wasn't even having sex. To be fair a lot of people had given up on me. Secretly I had given up on myself but somehow I still kept going.
I attended three different colleges over the space of four years. I completely flopped secondary secondary, I didn't even get as far as making it to year 11 so I didn't sit for my GCSES, which I think is a shame because I know I would've done well.
Now I'm in my second year of university glory be to God & it's funny because some of the people who were at university when I was still struggling in college are still there.
Now aged 22 I can say my head is clear and I've learnt not to take myself and my education for granted most importantly to make the most of my time. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or anything like that, only that my eyes have seen so many things and I'm a lot wiser now. I've learnt over the past two years to actually physically and mentally rely on God 100%. Although this is something I've failed to completely master I know that when my back is up against the wall God is the only one that truly has me at that point so I have no choice but to trust him. Really we shouldn't wait until we are desperate before we learn to trust God. I've also learnt to keep it moving no matter what even when I'm lacking motivation and have no vision of where I'm going. My aim is always to keep it moving because I believe when you move God moves. I've learnt not to dwell on things in my past or in my present especially things that I have no power over the more I move the closer I become to achieving my goals. I can't afford to go backwards and I accept that my past is a part of who I am but as much as it's a part of me I still have no choice but to move forward.
When I say something I aim to follow it through and I understand now that great things are not going to just land in my lap, I have to do worthwhile things in order to achieve greatness and greatness is not something that everyone gets. I believe greatness is something that is not easily attained but is worth perusing, greatness is not something that is out of anybody's reach if they are willing to fight for it. Anyone can be great despite their pasts, but greatness is only for those that are willing to grab it by force with both hands (and feet). I use to be ok with being mediocre, basic, just 'getting by' but when I started to see myself in a completely different way I started wanting more, so much more. Simply put, mediocre people don't do great things and mediocre people do not get written about.
I pray that in the next year or so when I write part 3 I would've grown so much more mentally and spiritually. It's amazing how much God can change a persons in such a short space of time!
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